I can’t feel grey.

Calling yourself an extremist is a very tough job these days. Either people will find you very arrogant or they will judge you on your perspective regarding tits and bits of this world. They may also refer you to a chameleon or a pregnant woman fighting with mood swings. But, it is way more complicated than what you expect it to be.

You may find me at a random cafe with an overloaded plate, stuffing my mouth to the fullest and the very next day on a hospital bed getting glucose injected in my body. Oh god, why? Because I starved myself for a day.

I will ask you to wake me up at 7 in the morning. You will try everything from screaming in my ears, snatching my blanket, to even putting a bucket of water on my head, but will end up listening to my snores (only if I do that). But, the very next day starts with my insomniac period of life.

My heart will love you very hard, with all its pieces and intensity that you might fall for me. You would be receiving ‘good morning’ messages and ‘good night’ kisses. If not, it will hate you passionately that you might want to die that very moment.

I like to pick people in a crowd. You may be a friend to whom I can sing stories of my life. I can call you at 2 am and talk till 4. Else, you may be a stranger. No matter how many times you call, I will hardly pick any. The word ‘acquaintance’ never exists in any part of my dictionary.

I would be reciting a nursery rhyme in corridors dancing like a toddler ‘When you’re happy and you know, clap your hands…’ or sitting on a chair in a black short dress arousing the audience as I speak about lust.

Not a psychopath, just a dreamer. I allow myself to do whatever strikes my mind. I can’t help if it is painted monochrome. I can’t feel grey. I never did.

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13 thoughts on “I can’t feel grey.

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  1. Observing yourself away from yourself, creates a semi-exsisting person. Ýóú are your best-friend, and know each detail, each freckle. At the same time, ýóú are not accountable for the things that you(the exsisting one) does.
    One would be curious though, if the exsisting you is accountable at all, or all the swings are instinctive and rise by themselves
    Like ofcourse, in a bout of rage you almost strangle me, or a bout of fondness smother me with kisses, I would like to know, did the person do this, or her self-rising instincts did…?

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    1. Instincts never say the truth. They lie every time. They change colors faster than any chameleon. They are not accountable of doing anything. It is solely the person, who is responsible for every act he/she does. Everything is done by the real existing me.

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      1. You sketch in this blog how erratic a person you are.
        You cannot both know that you are unpredicatable and be unpredictable in your capacity at the same time.
        If you know that you are unpredictable, it cannot be without knowing that you do what you ‘feel like’ at that moment of doing.
        Those are instincts. Giving yourself to doing what you ‘feel like’.

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      2. “They change colors faster than any chameleon.”
        Yes, thats what it is. Changing without notice
        “My heart will love you very hard …”–“If not, it will hate you passionately ”

        It having a will of its own, that what is.

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