“Can you see everything around?”
” You may just find some blurry dots of light in my eyes, exactly the way I can see in yours. I love the way they used to affect you, like crossing various dimensions within a single breath. Why do you think that they aren’t the gate to a parallax world where I wanted to take you, to feel you, to be with you? They were the only way to your dreams. What made you think that my interest was just based on your scars?”
“Nothing. Nothing made me doubt on your capabilities of loving me. You were and are a pure white sheet of paper for me and all I was trying to do was not to spill my inked self on it.”
“And you didn’t. Then, where did we go wrong?”
“Maybe, I was a little too scared of getting attached to someone, someone like you. Because every time that happens, it ends with a flood destroying my home. But I want to ask you something, why didn’t you wait a little more while I was cleaning myself?”
“I didn’t wait for you because I couldn’t. You were clean, satisfied along with being happy and it was getting difficult for me to even talk to you at times and honestly, I felt like it was the only way to let go of you,” she sighed. “To let go of everything that could never be. It doesn’t matter now, does it?”
“On a busy day, at 2 PM, honestly, it matters a little. But on some nights, at 1 AM when I glance at your last seen and status, it matters a lot. Can’t really tell if what we did was right or if it was wrong. But can surely tell, the door still opens with a creek, when wind blows a little strongly. And then one of us bolts the door before it’s too late. But, are you happy with what you’ve now?”
“I will say that I am because that’s what I’ve been telling everyone. Because that’s what I’m supposed to say. I’m supposed to be fuckin’ happy now that I’ve got what I wanted. But if I tell you that I read your last text and the screen got a little blurry, would you still think that I’m happy? Would you still believe me when I tell you that every time I bolt the door too soon, I’m praying for you to knock again?”
“Trust me, I want to just sit there right outside your door till the sunrise. So when you open it to check your mailbox, I see you and your sleepy eyes. But, that’s just not right. For me or you, or even for him still underneath the blanket of love with his sleepy face on the cushion of tomorrow.
So that’s it, I guess. Were we just two trains passing by each other on parallel tracks, creating a lot of noise and leaving a trail of stillness behind?”
“I guess that’s all we were. Two kids, so high on poetry that we couldn’t see where we were going. And maybe few years from now, we’ll meet somewhere and have a conversation about how much we hate it when it rains, and hate it even more when it doesn’t. And maybe I’ll finally have that black coffee you keep asking me to try and you can have a go at chai. Just maybe,”
“Or maybe we could skip both, and talk about the quirks of people we are with and laugh a little over a medium sized pizza. But then if I feel like holding your hand, and given how seriously you take that, would you let me?”
“I just might hold yours before your hand inches towards mine. Tell me, would that scare you, then?” she questioned with a little smile on her face.
“I’ll hold your hands. And in that moment, we’ll know that this is our what-if moment we’ve waited for long. I wouldn’t be scared. Not this time”